Get the kids in the basement.

The United States of America is facing a threat that is certain to knock swine flu out of the catastrophe limelight.

“Kellogg Co., the largest U.S. breakfast-cereal maker, said flooding at an Atlanta facility and repairs at a Tennessee factory will cause Eggo waffle shortages through the middle of next year.

The scarcity was triggered by September’s floods in the southeastern U.S., which temporarily closed an Atlanta waffle factory, as well as by equipment problems at the company’s largest waffle plant, in Rossville, Tennessee, spokeswoman Kris Charles said today in an e-mail.

“We are working around the clock to restore Eggo store inventories to normal levels as quickly as possible,” Charles said in the e-mail.”

That’s exactly the story that’s been repeating on my emergency radio. Floods, they say? Something is a little fishy here. Why didn’t the president see these attacks on breakfast coming? It would have been well within his executive rights to declare a preemptive war on weather.

I’ll tell you why he didn’t protect our waffles. Some scientists are blaming the enemy flood attack on global warming. That sounds awfully convenient when there’s climate legislation coming up early next year, doesn’t it? Obama and Al Gore probably carefully crafted this plan, knowing that Americans are too smart to really believe in global warming—especially when the bill will move through Congress right after the freezing winter months! (Perhaps Obama learned from his predecessor that people will support anything the president does in the wake of a national tragedy.) So they targeted Eggos, knowing we would be just panicked enough to believe in this climate change nonsense.

Obama’s agenda is so focused on “science” and “facts” and “the world” that he’s willing to put our breakfasts, our health and our American way of life in jeopardy. How will families enjoy a complete balanced breakfast together now? I say fight back by stocking up on waffles on eBay. For the sake of freedom, keep bidding. It’s simply unpatriotic to leggo the Eggos now.